We’re not really back together

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I am in love with a woman I started dating in June of 2019. We ended things one year ago.

Four months ago, she called me after no contact. I was lost at that time, so when we started talking again, it really lifted me up. Since then, though, she has said she wants to take things slow.

She tells others I am not her boyfriend and introduces me as her friend. She does talk about us moving in and growing old together, but I am confused by the pace. It seems like every weekend she leaves to visit a few friends an hour away. I have called and texted her at those times, but she never answers or responds until Sunday with a text saying "I will call you later when I get home."

I am confused as to why this behavior is going on. Is she giving us space? She says we're moving slowly because she's trying not to ruin what we have. What advice do you have for me?

– Frustrated


If you've spent four months hoping for more (and not getting it), this isn't working. Taking your time shouldn't mean "I’ll get to you when I'm done with the rest of my life." If she can't give you one Saturday, that's that.

I will note that you didn't tell us why the relationship ended last year. I can make a bunch of guesses, but if her pace is about processing something that went very wrong the first time around, well ... my answer is still the same. There's been no negotiation. No conversation about how this might work.

It sounds, based on what you told us, that it would be better to start fresh, without her in your inner circle at all. She introduces you as friend, but that's not what you are. You're her ex.

Hearing from her lifted you up, but now the experience is bringing you down. Tell her what you want, and if she has no interest in change or compromise, let yourself move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to match someone's pace if it doesn't work for you?