After a lot of cheating (with me), he’s back

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I've recently reconnected with my ex boyfriend. We were together for three years before he left me for another woman (they were together one month after we broke up). It left me crushed and heartbroken.

The stupid thing is that even after he left me, we were still seeing each other. Basically, he was cheating on his new girlfriend with his ex-girlfriend. That was three years of still being heartbroken and single, not interested in anyone else.

Back in December 2021, one of those wretched Facebook picture memories kept popping up and I started crying about the past. I prayed for anything to make me feel better. Strangely enough, I got a message from him three days later. I still care for him and love him, and he says he feels the same. We've been messaging every day since.

While I remained single those three years, he got married to the woman he was with after me. They have a child now, and are now divorced. We live in different states. I’m wondering if I’m being too available, but I’m also questioning whether I should cut all ties with him. I need answers/help.

– Memories


Maybe he reached out because he got the same Facebook video. I don’t know the algorithm, but it’s possible.

Or maybe he reached out because he needs attention. That seems to be his thing – seeking a lot of attention from more than one person.

This man left you, cheated with you (and maybe on you), and decided to be with someone else while you struggled. All I get from your letter is that this should be about you and why you haven’t found contentment without him. Is therapy an option? It would be a good place to talk about how to prioritize your own needs. So much of your time with him has been about working around his life at the expense of your own happiness. You’ve decided he’s worthy of the biggest kind of love, but he hasn’t earned it.

My advice is you to cut ties. Let him go live his divorced life. I don’t know if you'll follow that advice, of course, but that’s what I think should happen.

If you can't let go, please ask yourself the difficult questions. Does he have a plan that works for your needs? Does he have a plan at all? Do you trust him? If you’re answering with no’s, please consider how much time you want to give any of this. Set some boundaries.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on what to do with someone who's been on your mind for so many years?