I think he left because of his mother

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I want to know if my husband left me because his mother doesn't like me or want him to be married to me. We have been separated for one year. We lost our apartment because my husband lost his job, so we had to move into my parents' house with our teen daughters.

This happened March 1, 2021. Three days after the move, he went to work and never came back. He went right to his mom's. We’ve talked by phone, but when he picks our daughters up he will not look at me. When he talks to me, he looks down. We have been together 22 years, married for 16, and we are high school sweethearts.

I believe he left me because of his mom. She had her oldest son divorce his wife and then they got remarried, which upset her. They took their kids and moved away from her. She has a big hook on my husband. He will do anything for her. Please help me find away to get him away from her and back to me and his daughters.

– Separated


Does it matter if his mother is controlling his every move?

You can't change him. You can't save him or force him to ignore her opinions. All you can do is have real conversation about what happens now.

Is he seeing the kids enough? Do you co-parent well? Was it ever his intention to live together again, if you could be in your own home? Does he want to follow through with a divorce? These are all fair questions. If he can't talk about these things with you in person, ask if there's a good way to have a comfortable discussion. Is phone better? Email? In a room with a mediator? A financial advisor?

At this point, he’s been gone a year. I would assume you want to be with someone you can count on for partnership. If he can't be that person, it would be nice to move on with a plan, financial and otherwise. That's the only thing to seek right now – a path for what comes next. It's not a battle between you and his mom.

Your husband's brother is doing his own thing. You can't assume the same thing will happen here. Use all that what-if energy to get answers about how you can (and should) make a future for yourself and your kids.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to move on? Do you believe he's following his mother's orders?