For the better part of a decade, I've worked with this guy – let's call him S. I had a very on-again, off-again relationship with S for years.
One week it would be like we were best friends, the next he'd be ghosting me for seemingly no reason. A few years ago, I guess he decided to end it for good because he started ghosting me hard. Forget ignoring texts; if I tried to talk to him in person he just wouldn't respond! After months of the silent treatment, I gave up and tried (unsuccessfully) to move on.
About a year ago, one of his friends asked, "Why don't you talk to S anymore? He told me he misses you." I didn't know how to respond. Since then, I've had a few brief cordial interactions with S online or when he's not surrounded by a gaggle of friends, but our relationship is still pretty much nonexistent. I'm going to be leaving my job at the end of the year, so I feel this is the make-or-break moment if I ever want to mend this relationship. I still love him. He's a gorgeous guy and we had some great times. But I also don't understand why I need to do all the work to repair a relationship that he ended, when he hasn't spoken to me in years.
Should I try to fix things with him? If so, where do I start?
"But I also don't understand why I need to do all the work."
You don't! You haven't made a great case for mending the relationship.
If you want a proper goodbye, you can approach him to say you're on your way out. If you want to try to get more information - clarity for the sake of it – you could explain that it was disappointing and confusing to have such a turbulent, unreliable connection, and that you'd appreciate any insight about what happened. Maybe he'll explain, but probably not, and that's another kind of answer.
The guy who didn't acknowledge you while you're speaking to him probably isn't ready to be transparent about his feelings, even with himself. Maybe he believes what he told his friend and has come up with some story about why this isn't his fault. That makes him even less of a candidate for friendship or anything else.
It's a good time to make this the end of an era. If you choose to share your feelings, that's for you, but have no expectations, please.
You experienced months of silent treatment for reasons you never understood. Leave that behind.
Readers? Any need to try for closure here? What do you think he thinks happened here?