Why would he ghost me this way?
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I met a guy online. We're both 59. I'm divorced many years, his wife passed years ago. We chatted online, conversation was great. We decided to continue after that first online meeting and exchanged numbers and texted from there. We met online on Feb. 3 and due to prior commitments we were not able to meet in person until Feb. 8. I could write a book with all the texting that went on before the date. There was a connection, there was excitement. We found out a lot about each other. We shared pictures of our interests and grandkids. Chemistry was definitely building. We met for dinner Feb 8. Everything as expected. Very handsome, sexy, dressed great, great personality, gentleman. We had an amazing dinner, great conversation, tons of laughs, we closed the place. Went to my car, kissed for awhile. Kind of like kids again. After four hours or so, the night had to come to an end. We made a plan that we would get together again Friday. He told me to let him know when I got home. When I did, I had a text from him saying, "I couldn't wait to tell you I am crazy about you; I know it sounds nuts but I really am.“
Heard from him first thing the next morning. He said he got tickets for us to go to a concert on Friday and we could figure out some place to meet. I told him the most logical place for us to meet would be his house since it was basically in the middle. He thought that was a great idea. Gave me step-by-step directions to his house/ranch. (He's a cowboy. Horses, goats, chickens.) More texting and excitement continued. Thursday, we texted all morning, including him saying, “I love the relationship that we can have and want it to expand." Texts did get a little R-rated but fun and funny.
At 4 p.m. the afternoon before the concert, I got a text from him saying he was moving a bale of hay and it fell off the tractor and landed on him. "I'm not in the greatest shape right now. This time it looks like I'm going to have to go to the hospital and get checked out. I'll talk to you later." I saw that text about an hour later. Texted him, no response, again that night, no response. Called him the next day, straight to voicemail and the days following. Did he just ghost me and block me? I was concerned at first that something bad happened. But needless to say, I continued to try and reach this guy with no luck.
His phone did end up ringing a couple of times, maybe he unblocked me, IDK. It was all just so bizarre. He showed his daughter my pictures, he gave me directions to his house (which are accurate), gets tickets for us and so much more, and then disappears in the same day. I just don't get it and of course it's driving me nuts! This wasn't a typical ghosting. What makes someone do something like that?
– No response
Um, I'm concerned that something bad happened to him. How do you know it didn't?
Maybe there's some proof of health online – a social media account that says he's fine – but honestly, if not, maybe this injury was significant.
It's also possible the whole thing was made up and that he came on too strong and decided to pull away. It's just a very odd way to ghost someone. All it does is make you worried.
If you know he's OK – if there's a reason you stopped worrying –leave him be. Consider this a very odd and disappointing ending, and grieve it and move on. Immediate intensity can burn out quickly. Maybe that's what happened.
Another option is that he's not well or recovering, and for whatever reason he hasn't wanted to give you that update. If that's the case, it might be the same ending, right? You're not in his inner circle for help. You know (based on what he told you) that he has family in his life.
You could call again or send a text saying you're legitimately worried and would just like to know he’s OK, even if the connection is over – if that's how you feel.
But again, if there's proof of life and you're sure he's chosen not to respond, there's no reason to keep this going. I can't tell you why anyone would disappear like this without a good reason, only that it's cruel and you should leave that kind of person behind.
Readers? What would you do to get answers here?
Speaking of Love
"I always pass on good advice, it is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself." — Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"