He refuses to try long-distance

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Meredith,

I am in college and recently met the one. We went on dates, had many deep conversations, and just got to know each other fast and intensely. He is graduating soon and will be two hours away from me.

I think he has tried long-distance before with a couple of his exes and it did not work. He loses interest from not consistently seeing the significant other in person.

He is going to get a full-time job before he goes to further his education about a year or two from now. I am willing to try long-distance but he is not because he knows himself. We stopped seeing each other. I miss him a lot but I'm not sure how he feels.

I'm hurt and confused that he cannot at least try long-distance with me, as his actions show so much love towards me. Is there a chance he may change his mind? Should I continue to stop talking to him?

- Hurt and Confused


It sounds like he's been very clear about his boundaries.

Some people know what they can't deliver. Please believe what he tells you.

You didn't say whose idea it was to stop seeing each other. Staying away is probably for the best.

That said, for some, a clean break can sometimes be more hurtful and confusing. Maybe it'd be better to see him in person a few times before he leaves. Spending time with him broken up – as two people getting together to check in about next steps – might help you believe this is real. To see him as something other than a boyfriend.

The big thing to know is that there is no one. There are a bunch. Sometimes many. This man was wonderful for you based on your life in school, but he can’t make adjustments to stay perfect for this next phase of life.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to fall madly in love when there's a timer on the relationship? I always joke with friends that if they decide to move away, they'll probably meet a perfect person about a month before the moving trucks are scheduled to arrive. I think this is because in the months before we leave, everything is heightened, we're operating with less hesitation, and we’re trying to squeeze in every experience. We're extra motivated.

Perhaps the two of you were fueled by graduation goggles. I think that could be a thing. It's all real, but was extra intense because you both knew everything was going to change. Consider how that might have affected the pace of things – and what you really want and need now.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they stay in touch? Have a clean break? What about this being the one?