Some of you have Patriots Day off. Some of you are running the Boston Marathon. Some of you are not in Massachusetts and are having a regular Monday. Regardless, we'll do some updates today.
Your response and reader comments were really helpful in yanking me out of the "second guessing myself" shame spiral I was stuck in. My ex and I haven't spoken for weeks and I plan on keeping it that way. He's not back with his previous ex, but a friend told me they still catch up a lot and maintain quite a flirty relationship at work. Ugh.
Looking back, I can see some giant red flags I somehow missed. For example, he has a pattern of dating really young women, he was a master of subtle put downs disguised as humor, and he said to me on a number of occasions he liked it when I was really skinny. I have a very slim build already but he kept covertly encouraging me to lose more.
On the other hand, he was charming, super fun, and made me feel special and cared for like no other guy had. I'm still confused about how these qualities can co-exist and I'm working with my therapist to ensure I don't fall prey to this kind of person again.
I'm so glad you're moving on to better things, letter writer.
The second update is an explanation and some good news from someone who wrote to us about an extroverted partner.
Just wanted to thank you and your readers and provide some context and an update. A frequent question was, "Why can she not party alone?" It is a reasonable question in this country, but out of the norm where we come from. Where we come from, you go together. Frankly, we never thought of it, and if I'm honest, her going alone would cause me some anxiety. On the flip side, I believe in destiny and if we were not meant to be together, I would rather that happen now rather than later. That being said, a few days after your response I did fall sick. I had to coax her to go out alone, which she did, but returned back early. She went out alone the following week – then she joined me for a Netflix binge and enjoyed it. We have also joined a sports place and go out play with a small group of friends that we sometime invite over. Hopefully we have not traded places – else you may get a letter from her saying I party too much :) Life is good and we plan on enjoying the spring and summer – and the future. Thanks to you and your readers for the help!
Balance is good, letter writer.
Now an update from a person who was interested in dating the boss.
Fast forward to today and, as it turns out, my boss isn't interested in going on dates. And that's exactly what she told me, as I'm not the only one asking her.
"I just wanna stay home, get some takeout, and maybe smoke a little (and why not, it’s legal now, right?)." She continued on detailing how we work long hours in the entertainment business and how she still has two children at home. Going back out for a fancy dinner or a date night seems like the last thing she wants to do especially where we work in that business.
So what do I do now?
Invite myself to her house with Chinese food takeout, a six-pack, and some herb?
Invite her to my apartment for the same (although that seems way too presumptuous)?
Or should I just forget about it because as y'all said, dating the boss is just not cool?
My advice to this letter writer: She said she is not interested in going on dates. Do not invite yourself anywhere. Let her relax by herself. Find people who want to date. The end.
Thanks for the updates, everyone. If you're a former letter writer and have your own update, email it to Meredith.Goldstein (at) Globe.com with "update" in the subject line. If you have a new question of your own, email it to [email protected] or fill out this form.