What's on your mind? What's bugging you about your love life?
I have been single for almost three years after getting out of a six-year toxic relationship with a guy.
I’ve been on several dates since then, but haven’t found anyone I wanted to pursue – until now. I fell in love with with a guy I met online almost six months ago. We started talking on a dating site, but we didn't actually go out on our first date until two months ago because I was working out of town. We hit it off really well and I felt the butterflies and wanted to pursue a potential relationship with him. It’s the first guy I've dated in a while that I actually wanted to call my boyfriend, partly because he treated me so well.
Well, three weeks ago we made plans to get together on Sunday – my one day off work. All of a sudden he had a lot to get done, so I decided to have a couple drinks with some friends instead. I got a bit carried away. I made the terrible decision to call him drunk, and we got into an argument. I told him I was moving on. I felt terrible the next morning and kept apologizing but he still won't accept my apology. He doesn't want to see me or even talk to me anymore. Please ... what can I do to make things right again? I messed up big time and should’ve controlled myself; it's not the kind of person I am sober. I feel like my heart is ripped open and it's all I think about every day. Is there anything I can do?
If you apologized and explained yourself already, that's all you can do.
He made a decision. Now you have to accept it and move on.
I don't know whether this kind of thing happens often, or how you usually relax with friends. There were choices made ... and then consequences. That's how it goes. It's also possible his decision was about more than the one phone call.
Regardless, it's a lesson for the future; you don't want to ruin good things by repeating what happened here.
I wish I could say something to make it all better – or some magic thing to make him forget. Instead, I'll advise you to take care of yourself. That means thinking about whether you need help. You mention a toxic ex-relationship in your first sentence, even though it didn't seem very relevant to your current problem. But ... maybe it is. If those years with your ex are still on your mind – still affecting how you make decisions – please seek counseling. If the night-out-gone-wrong has happened more than once, ask your doctor (or do a google) for resources.
I don't want to jump to any specific conclusions about what you need. I can only say that when someone tells you they're done, leave them be. After that, focus on health. This is a disappointment, but now it's time to figure out how you can feel better. Think about what makes you your best self and go from there.
Readers? How do you let go of something like this? What are questions the LW might think about?