Have a good long weekend.
I've been married for 10 years. In 2018 I received an inheritance in the form of a house I was raised in. My wife decides to give me an ultimatum about the inheritance. She insists that her name is on the deed. She has become so spiteful. Doing and saying things I would have never expected. She's gone as far as saying that she's going to sleep with other men now.
I've never seen this side of her before. It's sad what an inheritance has done to my marriage. No apologies, no regrets on her part. Now all she talks about is divorce. Now she travels without me. She's been on at least four to five flights since expressing her true feelings for me. I don't know who she's with. This behavior is unacceptable. We have two young boys and all she wants to do is have another man around her and my kids out of pure spite. Depression has been kicking my butt as of late. Any advice?
– The Deed
It doesn't sound like she’s someone who'll love the idea of therapy, but family mediation might help. If this marriage is going to end, you should have the assistance of someone who'll prioritize your kids.
It would also help to get counseling for yourself. You tell this story like your wife did a 180 – that she became someone new after the inheritance. That's a jarring change, and you're going to be processing it for some time. Why did this inheritance become such a conflict? What are the expectations now? How will you co-parent? These are things you can talk about with a therapist who understands family dynamics. Talk to your doctor or insurance company about finding help.
Also reach out to friends, family, colleagues – any person who's been a consistent positive force in your life. You need community.
One thing to consider: you say the inheritance did this to the marriage, but I wonder what was brewing before this. Also, I wonder what happened during the conversation about the deed to the house. Why did she say it was important for her name to be on it? How did the two of you talk about money before this happened? Again, these are things you can explore in therapy, but ... I just wonder how this property brought your conflicts out into the open.
If you can't figure out who she's with, control your own environment. Prioritize your kids and making a peaceful space for them. Find the right professionals to help you figure this out.
Readers? Has this happened to you? How have you made decisions about whose name is on what? What should this letter writer do next?