We had sex and then ‘he disappeared’

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I met this guy at a club in February and we stayed in touch ever since. We have been talking but not consistently – about two to three times a week – and we have seen each other about three times since we met. These are all signs that he is not that interested in me because he's not investing enough time to call me or see me. A side note: he lives about 10 minutes away from me.

Long story short, up until recently, we had kissed and cuddled but no sex. He had asked for sex every time we were together, but I said no. He always tells me that he respects me and he loves me and that I’m a very special person in his life.

About a week ago, he invited me to a house party and introduced me to the people there as a "very good person and friend." Hearing that he thinks of me as a friend, I was OK with it. I started flirting/talking to a vey cute guy there I liked. Since the other guy and I are only friends, it felt OK to talk to someone else (the guy was not one of his friends). But then Guy 1 got very upset (maybe jealous) and told me to stay with him. That happened about three to four times when he saw me talking to that guy; he told me to stay by his side only.

After we left the party together, he started throwing a fit about my talking to the other guy. He was extremely upset and mad at me. I told him that I like him and he said that he likes me, too ... and then, when I dropped him off at his place, we had sex. The next day I called him in the morning he didn't answer, so I called him again in the afternoon and texted he didn't answer again. I called him again around midnight and he picked up his phone so I asked him why is he ignoring my calls and he said that he got sick and slept the whole day and was going to bed again (he was very cold to me). The next day I got sick too – so I messaged him to see how he's doing. He said he's doing better, and that was it. It's been a week and he hasn't called me. Basically, we slept together and he disappeared. I don't know what should I do at this point since I really like the guy. I don't understand he’s behavior. Should I call him? Please advice! Thank you!

– Don't understand


You really like the guy? Well, I don't.

Hear me out.

He didn't seem very interested in you. He showed up when he wanted to, but made it clear you were not his priority.

He changed his behavior when you started giving your attention to someone else. Then, instead of telling you how he felt and having a conversation about the state of your relationship, he ordered you around. He told you to stay close, as if the two of you had an agreement. You didn't! Also, he's not the boss of you.

After that, when he was at his most jealous, the two of you had sex. That led to nothing. Yes, there was illness and it slowed things down, but then ... more nothing.

I understand his behavior very well. He wanted you for himself, but only when it was convenient. He disappeared when you wanted more.

He might have ghosted, but he's probably not gone forever. Now you can break up with him in your brain because you know he's not what you want. Don't take his calls. Don't give him time or space. He's not a friend or more. Be done with him. No need to call.

– Meredith

Readers? Agree? Or do you think the LW should call?