I found a condom in his car

Annoyed with your partner? Having trouble on apps? Dealing with a crush? A breakup? What's on your mind? Send a letter to [email protected] or fill out this form.

Recently, while driving my husband's car, I found an unopened condom in the back seat. It's curious because we don't need them anymore (we're both in our late 50s, menopausal). He's usually at work or at home, so most of his time is accounted for. The only possibility is that he met someone on a multiplayer online game that he plays obsessively.

We have a good marriage and we're looking forward to retiring and exploring the world together. However, I am at a loss as to what to say about the condom in the back seat. Any suggestions?

– The Back Seat


My only suggestion is to say exactly what you said in this letter. Tell him you found a condom in the back of his car and want to know why it's there. Then listen.

I've been trying to come up with reasons he might have a condom in his vehicle and have come up with the following:

1. He was walking through a festival and a person at some health-related booth handed him one. Later, he threw it in the back seat.
2. The condom is from like ... 1992. He needs to clean his car.
3. His friend, one who uses condoms, sat in the backseat of the car and the condom fell out of his wallet.
4. There's was a Halloween costume that involved ... (I'm still workshopping this one).

This is really difficult because without knowing what he'll say – how he'll explain – it's hard to guess how you'll feel, what you'll believe, and how you'll want to proceed. I want to believe there's a reason that can put you at ease (like No. 1), because honesty, if you're having an affair, would you really leave condoms around without thinking about it? It's very possible, I guess.

If his reason for having the condom makes sense to you, you might want to talk about the multiplayer game anyway. You were quick to say that he plays obsessively. It doesn't sound like you'd be surprised if he was making romantic connections on that platform. That seems worth discussing if it's something that's been bothering you for longer than the condom.

For now, though, focus on the ask. There's no special way to bring it up; you just have to say the words.

– Meredith

Readers? Ideas about what this could mean? How would you bring it up?