I sent an anonymous letter to reveal my feelings
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Is it right or wrong to tell someone you have feelings for them?
Neither of us know each other, other than the fact we randomly see each other. I, a woman, decided to take a leap of faith and let this person, a man, know I have romantic feelings for him. I used an anonymous letter mailing service to do this.
This man has wonderful energy. I am not labeling him perfect, rather someone I would like to get to know to see where things go. He is a high-ranking office where I was incarcerated. I made some bad decisions with the wrong people, which then led to being incarcerated; white collar crime. After being released, I thought of reaching out to him. Having romantic relationships there is not allowed, and I am not in the business of jeopardizing someone's career over an attraction.
Not sure what may happen, if anything will happen. I arrived at the conclusion that I will never know unless I try. Is it worse being turned down and feeling humiliation, or not knowing. Thoughts on this?
Speaking generally, there's nothing wrong with telling someone you have feelings for them. As for humiliation vs. not knowing ... is it really humiliation? Rejection is part of life. Usually after a few days it feels less intense, and it's not the end of the world.
But about these disclosures: if you meet a crush at work or in a place where romance isn't allowed (your situation), it's a different thing. There are rules to consider. You don't want to cause someone discomfort on the job.
The question is whether your disclosure is OK now. All I can say is that if and when he answers this letter, listen to what he says. If he doesn't respond or replies that he's not interested, end it there. That's the big thing – to respect the other person's wishes and boundaries. Also know that it might be frowned upon, in his profession, to date people he met at work, even after they've moved on.
As for the anonymous mailing service, I am concerned. Did you use it because you know he wouldn't want to open a letter sent by you? Or that the place where he works would flag the content? Are you blocked in some way? You've already sent it, but ... consider that it might be best to pursue a relationship that doesn't involve having to hide.
This is a great time to talk to a therapist about how to form bonds in this new chapter of life. This man might have great energy, but he's not the only one.
Readers? Is it better to send this kind of letter or keep a crush to yourself? Next steps for this letter writer?
"'He is a high-ranking office where I was incarcerated (!). Having romantic relationships there is not allowed ..' LW, there are 4-plus billion other dudes in the world. I suggest you take an interest in a different one. – GdCatch