My husband wants to play a video game with her

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I met my husband in college in the late 1990s and we have been together ever since. We have three children together and a happy marriage. He works at a school that does outdoor trips. He went on an outdoor trip with his female coworker a few years ago and started texting her a few times after they got back. I told him I was not OK with that, and it appeared that things were resolved. This school year I noticed that he was listening to a love song all the time, and it made me wonder why.

Then I saw that he was texting her again. When we were traveling and listening to music in the car, I found a playlist they had made together. I also know that my husband was asking about a video game because he wanted to start playing it with this woman.

I confronted my husband and he said that he has made bad decisions, but it is not what it appears. He apologized, but I am having a hard time trusting him. He is still close with this woman at work. How should I feel? Am I wrong to be mad and not trust him? And how should I proceed?

– Wrong?

Your husband says this relationship isn't what it appears to be. Could it be a friendship? Have you asked him how he defines it for himself?

You didn't tell us whether their communication has been romantic. Not to be too naive, but people do make friends, especially at work. They talk about music and video games, and sometimes they text about it. I wonder whether you'd be open to your husband developing new friendships with any women. If not, you might be putting him in a position where he feels he has to lie about something platonic that enriches his life.

Of course, I could be wrong, and maybe this is all about love songs and big feelings, but that's why you should ask about it. Have a talk with your husband about what this is and, more importantly, whether it has anything to do with your marriage. What are the boundaries when it comes to friendships? Would this be more acceptable if you spent more time with each other's friends? Also, do the two of you have time for fun together? Maybe you need your own shared video game, or something like it.

If your husband stopped texting this woman to follow your rules, you'd still have the same questions about whether you're still happy and in love. Find out how the two of you are doing. Don't let this woman distract you from your real questions.

– Meredith

Readers? What's happening here? Next steps?