I can’t find a good man who wants me
What's your love/dating/marriage/crush problem these days? Send a letter here, please.
Here's another "dating is difficult and bad" letter. A pep talk, please.
I was married for 10 years. We had two kids and all was well on the surface, but I wasn't happy. We were so broke, and my husband wasn't even trying. I thought I could live on my own and be happy. We separated. Luckily I managed to get a job, and life seemed good.
However, I have tried to date but it's not working. I keep falling for unavailable men. I joined a dating site; the first guy turned out to be excessively kinky and ended the relationship. Others ghosted me. I met this man who's 59 – that’s a 20-year age gap – he had been amazing, but turns out he wants to break up because he has his own issues going on in life.
I don't have feelings for my ex-husband and I don't expect anything from anyone, but please help. What is wrong with me? I am a simple woman who just wants to be happy with a good man. I have joined other dating apps, but all the men I get want other things. My pictures are nice. I always take time to get to know someone, but they end up not getting what they want and just leave.
Divorce can be a step toward happiness if you're in a relationship that's no longer working. It can put you on a better path to living a good life.
But there's no magic route to your next romantic love. Summoning the courage for a breakup does not win you a new, worthy suitor. It would be nice if things were that simple, but this is why dating apps exist – because the search is complicated.
Finding a good, reciprocated love can take a very long time. The process might require breaks where you're by yourself or with family, friends, and hobbies. After a breakup, your best bet is to set up a life where you don't feel like you're missing much. Make your days as full as possible. Then you can go on apps feeling confident you're looking for something that adds to what you've already created.
You can be happy with a good man, but that's easier to pull off if you can also be good on your own. That confident kind of vibe can also make you more attractive, and you'll waste less time if you're too busy to give the wrong people you're time.
There's nothing wrong with you, at least based on what you've told us. The issue seems to be how much you want a new partner. Spend time focusing on what makes you happy outside of romantic relationships. Try to add to that list.
Readers? Ideas for this frustrated letter writer?
Speaking of Love
"He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." —Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights