My church crush is still married

What are your dating/relationship/marriage/single problems ... email [email protected] or send your own letter here. I'm reading this weekend, and am ready to ponder all things.

Dear Meredith,

I go to a place of worship where I know a man who is slightly younger (he is 30).

His wife left him almost a year ago and, more recently, disowned herself from our faith. This couple is physically separated and might be going through a divorce.

When I heard the news that she disowned our faith, I felt for him because he seems like a nice guy. Also, it's hard to go to church on your own when you're used to having a wife there to support you. I am always cordial with this young man. I developed a crush. He is not yet divorced. I don't know for sure that he's considering one.

I am doing the right thing and staying far away from this married man, and when I see him I continue to be cordial. I'm trying hard to not like him. At the same time, I don't want to be his friend because if he is getting a divorce, I'd be interested in being more than friends.

Any advice moving forward? I'm trying to get over him but it's hard because everyone always brings him up in conversation at our church. I wish I was exaggerating.

– Church Crush

Invite him to a church activity that's social, off campus, and in a group. Maybe it's drinks, if your church friends do that. Maybe it's having a few people to your home for dinner.

Once he's in a new spot, he might talk about his situation with ease. There's no better source than him, right? If people are hanging out and talking about their out-of-church lives, he might discuss his status, and it'll be OK to ask questions.

I know you're worried about putting yourself out there as a friend when you know you want more, but 1. you're not offering best friendship by asking someone to dinner, and 2. you might discover during the night that he's not what you thought, and that you no longer have a crush. Right now he’s perfect because you know very little. It's been all about cordiality, apparently. Let him become a real person and then make decisions.

Honestly, if everyone's talking about him but not to him, this man might welcome the chance to engage with others. Perhaps he's felt that the possible divorce has made him a source of gossip (it has). I'm sure he'd rather be treated like a person instead of a rumor.

Reach out for a social activity – with a group – and then you can figure out next steps.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the letter writer wait to hear that this man is divorced? What happens next?