Should I move to a city with more single men?
What's your problem? What are your dating/relationship/marriage/single issues?
Are you happy in your romantic life?
Email [email protected] or send your letter here.
I'm a 46 year old witty, spunky, hardworking, adventurous woman looking for love, but I keep coming up short time and time again. I removed myself from the dating apps because every time I dipped my foot into the dating pool, it felt more like a medieval moat filled with alligators, eels, and frogs. I met multiple men who professed to be unattached but I found out they were married or in relationships. The guys I was interested in (very few) were emotionally unavailable, and like many online daters, I cycled on and off apps just to be proven that the dating pool of high quality men is lacking. It feels like wasted energy.
I’m simply looking for a kind, well-rounded man, strong communicator who wants to explore the world together (and someone easy on eyes). It's pretty basic stuff! Do you think that geography plays a role in quality of dating pool? I often wonder if a city like D.C., where women outnumber men, is the problem, and that I need to move so I can increase my odds. What else should I be doing to find a real connection and hopefully a long term partner?
– Simply Looking
Based on my quick census research, there are about 200,000 people in Washington D.C. who are in your general age group – not counting all of the people who take the Metro in from Maryland and Virginia. Some of those people are probably nice and dateable. Also, the gender ratio isn't too wild there. There might be more women than men, but ... there are still a lot of men.
I never recommend that people move from a city they like because they think they might find love elsewhere. It's too big of a risk.
We did a podcast episode about this issue – even discussing work by data journalist Jonathan Soma, who made this interactive map. Take a look at some of his findings. Remember that it's just statistics, not humans.
Now, if you aren't madly in love with D.C., and it isn't the place you'd choose to live with a perfect partner, that's another thing. It's a good idea – aspirational, really – to live where you feel like the best version of yourself. It's possible that even if you like D.C., you want to feel new somewhere else – to explore a place with fresh eyes. That wouldn't count as moving for a better dating pool; it'd be more about shaking things up and finding new challenges.
That's a big "maybe" on a move (sorry). It really depends on the rest of your life – how happy you are otherwise.
As for dating in D.C., try to do everything in moderation. Limit your time on apps to 20 minutes a night. Pursue platforms that limit the number of faces you see each day. Also, expand that geography range by 10 miles or so. Traffic there is terrible, but you might find some great people in the suburbs. I'm from Columbia, Maryland, and I used to love driving into D.C.
Some of my old high school friends (a bunch settled there) might be just who you're looking for.
Readers? Can you speak to the dating scene in D.C.? In Boston? Do the stats matter when it comes to finding people?
Speaking of Love
"He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." —Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights