Hooked up with someone who works in my building
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I just turned 60. I hooked up with this guy recently, and everything was fine until everyone stuck there nose into it and he put a stop to it. The hardest part is that he lives and works in the complex (he's the property manager).
He says he cares about me, but I have very strong feelings for him. I have told him I'm still attracted to him. It was my birthday this month and he gave me a nice big hug; it felt so good when he did it. He told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone, I told him I have never asked for one. All I asked from him is respect, honesty, and trust.
– Fell for someone in the building
You say you want respect, honesty, and trust. At the very least, you have honesty.
This man told you that your short affair had to end for two reasons. They're both important, so read carefully. The first issue is that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. That's the most important fact to accept. Even if this were an easy experience to pursue, he would decline. He's not open to love or more hooking up right now.
The second issue is how "everyone stuck their nose into it." You didn't say who "everyone" is, but I assume it's his employer, other residents, maybe his co-workers. If your relationship puts him in a precarious position at his job, that's no good. Also, he lives there. Perhaps he wants to draw some boundaries so he can keep life simple. That's understandable.
The problem is that you hooked up to begin with. He blurred those lines for both of you, and now things feel complicated.
But they're not – because you know the simple answer here. This situation will get better if you set your own boundaries. You can keep your distance and come in and out of your building without hope for more attention – or hugs. It will hurt, but after a while it will feel like routine. There is no confusion here, only the need to accept that it's over.
Start looking for intimacy elsewhere. He won't offer more.
Readers? Is the LW being honest about her intentions here? What if this man pursues another hookup?
Speaking of Love
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