My boyfriend doesn’t want me to rent a room to a man

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I recently had the opportunity to take in a traveling medical student (male) for five weeks. I live on my own and thought it would be a great way to make some extra cash. My boyfriend (we don't live together) was less than impressed with this idea.

I suggested a compromise – that he (my boyfriend) stay over during those weeks. But my boyfriend's idea for compromise was for him to give me cash instead – so I avoid the whole experience. It doesn't feel like compromise to me; it's more of an exaggerated lack of trust from his side.

How can we compromise? We have been on-and-off in our relationship for eight years, but the last two have been unbroken.

There have been other signs of mistrust, like when he'd come over and "check" the rest of the house. I once found a gas tracker in my car, but he didn't admit to putting it there. 

– Compromise

You didn't mention why you like this relationship. Maybe there's plenty of smiles and good times, but if not, why are you still with this person?



I can understand why he might have concerns about you inviting a stranger into your home for five weeks. If a friend asked me what I thought of that idea, I might throw a few yellow flags and ask them a bunch of questions about who the person is and how to make the experience as safe as possible.

It doesn't sound like your boyfriend was focused on the safety part of this. Maybe he was, but he left you feeling like this was more about temptation and inappropriate behavior. Another compromise, by the way, might have been you staying with your boyfriend and leaving your place to the medical student.

Honestly, the most upsetting part of your letter is the last line – about him checking your house and (maybe) putting a gas tracker in your car. Where does he think you're going? Even if there's been infidelity in the past and you failed to mention it, he should get over it or break up with you. All of this sounds like controlling behavior.

Again, I must ask: why are you together? You chose not to mention the good stuff. Maybe you don't want to compromise.

– Meredith

Readers? How would you feel about a significant other taking in a tenant for five weeks? Is there a compromise here? What about the gas tracker?