He doesn’t like my politics
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I have been seeing a guy since February. I am in love with him but he isn't ready to commit. He is really into the "red pill" men's movement.
One minute he wants a family and kids, the next he wants to stay single. He's afraid of getting his heart broken again. I am 33. He just turned 38 and regrets not settling down with a family and kids. He is conservative and I am liberal. My political views bother him. My age also bothers him because it is harder to have kids in your 30s.
What do I do? Do I wait and see if he just needs more time to commit to me? Or do I move on? Neither of us are talking to or seeing anyone else. But he isn't ready to be boyfriend/girlfriend. And I really want a relationship.
Please end this relationship right now. It is not a match – in so many ways!
Honestly, this has been a deal-breaker from the beginning. Your politics don't work for him; why would his work for you? He's assessing your value based on age. Meanwhile, he's making you wait as he considers a simple commitment. This is all bad.
You say you love him. I have to wonder if your feelings are more about wanting his love and acceptance. The effort people have to put into the wrong relationship – just to keep it going – can feel like love sometimes. The struggle can make a connection seem more important than it is.
You want a relationship, but it should be a good one. The more months you spend with this man, the more you lose out on other experiences. You should take some time to figure out why you’ve pushed commitment with this person, even though there are so many issues. Therapy is good for that, by the way. It’s nice to talk things through as you seek an important partner. Find out what services are available.
Do not get stuck where you are right now. Go before it gets any more permanent.
Readers? Why might this feel like love? Could it be?
Speaking of Love
"The desire to get married is a basic and primal instinct in women. It's followed by another basic and primal instinct: the desire to be single again." — Nora Ephron