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I met this woman a few years ago at work and we hit it off right away. We became good friends. We lost touch for a while, but I reached out to her one day and we started going out. We always had a great time together. During that time, we got to know each other more and trusted each other. She was going through a difficult time being out of work, and she was recently out of an abusive relationship.
When she got a job and went back to work, things changed. We didn't hang out as much because she worked crazy hours because she had started working in law enforcement. Our contact was mainly text, and I was the one reaching out. One day I asked her by text if she wanted to go to a concert with me and she never got back to me. I waited for days and no calls or text – nothing.
I called her at work, and days later she got back to me and said that our friendship has run its course and that I continue to cross boundaries by calling her work. She said that was out of line and to never reach out to her anymore. I felt depressed, devastated, confused, betrayed, sick, and angry when she said that. I haven't even reached out to her since. I can't even look at her picture. Even though I try to move on, I still get reminders of her. I still think about her and I hope and pray that she is doing OK. I haven't replied back because if I do that she is going to feel justified with her actions when all I wanted to do was to spend time with her. I respect the fact that she works in law enforcement and she works crazy hours. I guess I should have seen it coming, but I was afraid to lose her because she means a lot to me. I enjoyed our friendship and will always remember that.
Were you hoping for romance here? Regardless, this close connection is now over. Breakups can be difficult, even if there was no dating. The thing to know about your feelings is that they're part of the experience – and they will pass. I swear.
Do not reach out to her again. Her gift to you is being clear about her boundaries. She said she doesn't want you to call – not even to tell her you understood her message. She said the friendship has run its course. That means she's in a different place and no longer wants your support.
Does that hurt? Sure. Does she have the right walk away from you without much explanation? Of course! Instead of worrying about her, focus on yourself and how you might build something new. Spend time with others. Keep yourself busy with activities that involve focus, so your mind doesn’t wander.
Forgive her (in your mind), wish her the best (again, to yourself), and remember that she'll always be an important part of your history. Now you're moving on.
Also, think of the lessons here. You've learned to expect evolution in relationship (she got a job, and things changed a lot). Now you know that if the contact is one-sided, back off. You don't want to be the person who has to text first every time.
If you have questions about what someone wants and how they communicate, you can always ask.
This is sad, and that's OK. Relationships involve some uncomfortable feelings, and then it all gets better with perspective. There will be others who call you back and offer more.
Readers? How does one move on from this? Lessons about communicating with someone who isn't reciprocating much?