Coupled but it's complicated? Single and stressed? Have a question about your love life or lack thereof?
I'm in love with the man of my dreams after being married for 43 years to my first husband (he is now deceased). My only problem is that this man has a problem with Facebook – or rather women on Facebook. He is constantly on his phone, and he tells these women that he loves them and wants to be with them. etc.
When confronted, he tells me he loves me and that he is just playing with them. He has never met any of them, nor does he want to. He tells me I am the only woman he wants and needs in his life. I want to believe him but I really don't know what to believe! What do you think?
– One-man woman
He might not have any interest in seeing these women in person, but that doesn’t mean this behavior is OK – or that you need to put up with it.
He’s making you uncomfortable and insecure in the relationship. Also, he’s lying to someone – wether it’s you or these other women.
If he were playing a game on an app or flirting with bots (and who knows, maybe these people are bots and he has no idea), there would be less malice. But why is it OK for him to engage with actual humans, lying to them about what he can deliver? It sounds cruel.
You can tell him this has to stop – that it’s dealbreaker for you. Explain that you don’t want to be with someone who’s stimulated by deceit. You can ask him to stop the Facebook behavior and to find other ways to entertain himself. You can also ask to go to therapy with him to talk about why this is his hobby.
If he promises to stop the Facebook routine, you’ll have to decide whether you can believe him. If not, that says plenty about the future of the relationship.
You say he’s the man of your dreams, but you don’t say why. He’s constantly on his phone, doing something that makes you feel awful (not dreamy). Be open to idea that he’s not a forever partner. It can be better than this.
Readers? Is this an immediate dealbreaker? He doesn't sound like he gets why his behavior is terrible. Is there any way to keep the relationship going in a healthy way?