He visited escort websites
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Two years ago I found out that my husband had been visiting those websites where you find escorts. I saw that he had been visiting the sites at least once a month for the past four years we'd been married. He says he was just looking, and he claims he never met up with or slept with anyone from the site. But I can't be sure. Of course I went to get tested for STIs, and everything was negative.
I chose to give him another chance, but I can't seem to forgive him. I've been going to therapy, but I feel so hurt and betrayed. He doesn't understand how much he hurt me. He said he has changed and I do see a change in him. He seems like he doesn't need that in his life. He's allowed me to check his phone, but I can't trust him – and yet it's hard to get a divorce. What should I do? I'm still not over it.
– Two Years
Ask him to join you in therapy to talk about what happened here. Allow your therapist to help you navigate your questions. Maybe your husband will give different answers in the presence of someone new.
Also talk about how you've felt over the last two years. Something has kept you stuck. It would be helpful to know why there's been no movement forward.
This seems to come down to whether you believe what he tells you. It's also about your happiness. You didn't say anything about enjoying your time with him (which is telling). I wonder whether this is a joyful relationship otherwise. When you say that he's changed, what do you mean? What else needed to be different?
Divorce is difficult, and you're not there yet, but if you can't believe what your husband tells you, and you're not mostly happy, you have to ask yourself why you're married.
Bring him to the place where you can figure it out.
Readers? How do you move on from something that feels like a big betrayal? How to you find trust again?
Speaking of Love
"I love you, in a really, really big pretend-to-like-your-taste-in-music, let-you-eat-the-last-piece-of-cheesecake, hold-a-radio-over-my-head-outside-your-window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you." — Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy