Send your own relationship/dating/breakup/holiday questions to [email protected] or use this form.
And former letter writers, give us an update. Where are you now? Did we help? Email your update to [email protected] with "update" in the subject line. Tell me which letter was yours and how it all worked out.
I have been dating a woman for almost six months now. I have fallen madly in love with her. She is fun to be with. She is beautiful. She is sweet. However, I have struggled with the fact that she is very close to a female friend with whom she has been good friends for more than 17 years. This friend is married. According to my girlfriend, her married friend has a dysfunctional marriage. She stopped having sex with her husband three years ago, and she and her husband are very distant from each other. They have remained married because they have two children.
This married woman friend calls and texts my girlfriend often. At the onset of our relationship, this did not bother me. Now I am concerned. I have asked my girlfriend about this so-called friendship. She has always said that this woman "is just a good friend." I suspect that there is more. When I suggest that my girlfriend may be bisexual she gets very upset and tells me that I am offending her. How can I get to the bottom of all this?
If you don’t trust your girlfriend or can't make peace with her having this kind of friendship, get out now. Because the friend has been around for 17 years. You've only been around for six months.
Many close friends talk all day, especially when one of their relationships is troubling them. This kind of communication doesn't sound unusual. And again, it boils down to beleiveing what she tells you. If you do trust your significant other, the "Are you secretly in love with your friend?" conversations should be long over.
I do wonder why this bothers you so much. Is your girlfriend ignoring you for many hours to talk to this friend? Are plans frequently cancelled? Is this about not receiving enough attention when you've made specific plans to spend time together?
I would say that you could talk to your girlfriend about when it's appropriate to tune out from whatever you're doing together to text someone else all night, but honestly, I'm not sure that's productive right now. It's probably important for her to be with someone who understands how important her friends are in her life. Before you ask her to give less to that very important friend, make sure you understand your motives and expectations.
Maybe your relationship experience hasn't taught you that friends can be – and often are – as important as romantic partners when it comes to companionship and building a life. It sounds like this woman's friends are the wonderful people who were with her as she became the person you fell in love with.
Before you say another word to her about this, think about the kind of partner you require. If it's one who has minimal contact with friends, this woman isn't for you.
Readers? Anything more going on here? Is this about trust? Quality time? Feeling ignored?