Did he really change his mind about having kids?

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Dear Meredith,

I was dating this guy for five years and we broke up about six months ago. The main reason for breaking up was that I want to have kids and he has always said that he would never, so I ended it.

While we were dating, I met somebody. I didn't cheat or even explore the idea, but when my ex and I broke up, I sent this person a message. We've hit it off and it's been great. We've even gone on vacation together. As good as it is – and it is really good – it's not the same, and I find myself thinking of my ex.

Just this week, my ex sent me a message that said he's been doing a lot of self-reflection, and that being apart has given him "clarity and perspective." He says his vision for his future has changed, and he can now see himself having a family. I really want to believe him but it's hard to, given how short of a time it's been and how big of a life decision that is. I don't know what to do. Do I trust him? Or do I continue to explore this new love and leave him in the past? Help.

– Conflicted


It doesn't sound like you're interested in leaving your ex in the past. You want to know whether his change of heart is genuine, and it doesn't sound like you'll be able to move on until you figure that out.

It is possible that he's changed his mind about a lot of things. Sure, he was in the "never" camp six months ago, but maybe that was because he loved your status quo. Perhaps he became open to new possibilities when your former life together ceased to be an option. (I have no idea what he's thinking, of course, but neither do you, and you probably should.)

If you go back to your ex and learn that he isn't on board, that's OK. One of the reasons you're thinking about him, even with this new person around, is that you never gave yourself time to grieve the relationship. You moved on so quickly. It's difficult to appreciate a new person when you've barely made sense of the past.

You're not ready for this new relationship, so you should probably end it. After that, talk to your ex. Do more listening than talking. See how it goes, and take it from there.

– Meredith

Readers? Has he changed his mind?