Should I cancel my trip to visit him?

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I met someone two years ago. He helped me when things were tough and always made it clear he would be there for me. Despite all of this, he would tell me he didn't want to be in a relationship. Over time, I realized I should listen, and was ready to let go.

Unfortunately for us, we both lived and worked in a foreign country. When he travelled to visit his family, COVID-19 hit. He was stuck at home and could not travel back. We kept communicating and stayed together, and the long-distance was incredibly tough.

Fast forward a bit, and he said he would want to develop more of a relationship with me if we ever had the chance to be together. We were both dating other people over this time. I had to be realistic and kept my options open, and he did too. A few months passed and we planned for me to travel to visit him in his home country. I bought my tickets, got my visa and hotel, etc. Then, a week before my flight, he told me he got someone pregnant. He was distraught and told me he has no desire to be with this woman.

Now I do not know what to do. Do I continue with the original plans and visit him or do I try my best to forget him?

– TimeWasted?


Let's address your name first. Time wasted? Not so much. It was an experience and you learned. Some relationships are supposed to end, but it doesn't mean you've wasted anything.

As for the trip, I don't think you should take it. He's got stuff to figure out, and this is not the relationship you want to rekindle. When this man was actually, physically with you, he kept one foot out the door. Then, when there was distance between you, he felt more comfortable connecting. You were a quarantine check-in companion, which is different than being someone's potential partner.

Now the world is opening (slowly) and there are more options for how to spend your time. Why would you get on a plane and spend money to see a person whose track record is all about limitations? It makes no difference that he doesn't want to be with this other woman. He needs to figure out his own next steps, and you don't need to be there for that.

You ask if you should forget him, as if that's the only option if you don't see him. Please don't forget him or try to compartmentalize him in your mind. Instead, see him for what he is and then admit to yourself that you want so much more than he offers. Cancel the trip and plan something for yourself that hints at a better and more satisfying future.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the trip happen? Why not?